Silence of the Elves

December 21, 2005

There’s less than a week until Christmas, and the number of things left undone still outnumbers the finished list. Anything that has been baked has already been eaten, leaving a sum total of zero on the holiday desert menu. Even the fudge is gone. The children declared it “Crunchy!” and sucked on it until it was soft enough to eat.

I seem to have forgotten half the people on the gift list. I see Gift Certificate shopping on the horizon.

And I still have not beaten “Santa’s Snowball.”

For those of you who have not found, let me take a moment to ruin your life. This site has about a dozen new flash games every week, and a backlog of a hundred others. I get hooked on at least one game a week and waste massive amounts of time until I beat it.

I figure this puts me in good company, as a writer. J K Rowling plays Minesweeper. She seems to be doing all right. She’s proof that this is “Part of the process.” “It’s part of the process,” is what all writers say, when we’re caught goofing off. Since non-writers have no clue how you get any work done at all since you never appear to be doing anything, “the process” can cover a lot of ground.

Santa’s Snowball is currently “part of the process.” A rather evil looking CGI Santa rolls a snowball down a ramp to you, and you use your mouse to roll the thing over a bunch of trash talking elves.

Actually, the elves stop talking pretty early on, since they need all their breath to run for their lives. And when the snowball hits them, they grunt. As the snowball continues to pick up elves, the grunting, puffing and panting increases.

This is the reason I’ve been playing with the sound off. With the chipper theme song playing in the background, it sounds like I’m downloading elf porn.

I am still three elves short of a win. the little buggers keep climbing the North pole to avoid the hit. But I am stubborn, and will prevail.

And might turn the sound back on for the final elf, just to see what noise they make at the finish.

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