Not Safe for Work

June 21, 2014

First off, my Kindle novella To Recapture a Rake is free this weekend. [to recapture a rake], gift one, force it on unsuspecting friends. Illogical as it seems, give-aways drive sales. And I am still working on the bathroom and need money for a shower door.

Now, onto more important matters. I have never seen Game of Thrones, but…

Yeah. I know. I’m the only one, who hasn’t seen GoT. Nothing personal. I am saving it for the day I have time to binge watch. I’ll get there, eventually. I know most of the plot, since it is impossible to avoid.

And I was in an elevator with George RR Martin once, though. And I did not do this

George R R Martin in an elevator.

In my opinion this qualifies me to talk. And I want to talk about this article:

“We need to talk about the nudity on “Game of Thrones”

I’ve heard about the nekkid women in GoT I don’t live under a rock. I have also heard about the dearth of penises. After seeing the South Park episode with the wiener, wiener song, I thought that might have changed. Where did they get the idea that it was all dicks? Was it the books? Or did Matt and Trey see one penis on HBO and get so totally freaked out by it that they forgot dozens of boobs?

It could happen, you know. Lady parts are everywhere. But man parts are so rare, when you see one on film, it’s like seeing a bald eagle. You stop and point.

There is a perfectly logical explanation for this. Well, two, actually. The first one. Is rampant sexism. See the above Salon article.

The second excuse is that men are cowards.

For years, they have been objectifying he female body, stripping it down and putting it out there. Sticking it in the background of scenes to dress the set. Like it’s cheaper to get a naked actress than to find a ficus that doesn’t have yellowing leaves. If in doubt? Add a couple of whores. A stripper. Have the hero start out the movie in bed with a woman. Or perhaps two.

My family went to the latest Riddick movie, about a year ago. Though it had nothing to do with the story, Vin is in bed with two girls, one of whom had a Brazilian. It is always a little awkward to be at a movie with your two grown sons, when an enormous vagina appears on the screen.

But it was more awkward for the family in front of us, who brought a five year old girl.

Later in that same film, Katie Sackhoff took a shower, and showed one boob. I always wonder, when this happens, if they did not have enough in the budget to get her to show the other one.

But I digress. Female nudity, prevalent. You get the picture.

We girls have been soaking in this culture for years. And since women are more competitive than men will ever be, it’s made some of us insecure enough to completely rebuild ourselves, to look more like what we see. As a culture, we passed through the time when makeup and boob jobs were enough, into a world where we can wax, bleach, and die the down under and back behind, to make it look more like media says it should. If that’s not enough, there is surgery to make the little man in the canoe look perky as a porn star.

And then, there is vagazzliing.


Anyway. If we want to, there is not an inch of our body that we cannot work on, to be ready for a full frontal close up.

Men are different.

If they go to the gym get muscles, oil up and sneer, women will drool. But there is one spot on their body that cannot be exercised. It is what it is. They can hide it with a washcloth. Or maybe, if they are lucky, with a hand towel. But drop the towel, and what you see is what you get. Bulking up the rest of the body isn’t going to make that winkie any better.

Women can kegel, and make improvements. But it’s not like a guy can lift weights with his doodle.

If all the men on Game of Thrones were forced to drop trou, they would be deathly afraid that all the women would be watching with a ruler in their hand. Or perhaps a tape measure, if we could get a guest appearance by Jon Hamm. We would be staring at Peter’s Dinklage, since contrast probably makes some things look bigger. Even worse, what if we looked at the guy sitting next to us on the couch?

Let’s face it. In a dick measuring contest, there can be only one winner.

And we haven’t even gotten to the question of erect vs flaccid. Or the fact that the stereotypical, ‘rising naked from the bath’ scene would be totally different with a man. Even if the steam was rolling off their shoulders, they’d be trying to tell us that the water was cold.

Until men are willing to be judged, as women are, every single time there is nudity in media, we’re not going to see dick.

Personally, I think we should demand naked equality. One testicle for every breast shown, and one penis for every vagina.

In a week, gratuitous nudity would be gone, and we’d have to pay attention to the story.

3 responses to “Not Safe for Work”

  1. I’ll second Barbara’s comment – proud to know you!

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