Girl’s Week out

July 23, 2009

I am back at the desk after a week in Washington DC for the Romance Writers of America national conference. And as usual, I feel like I have been clubbed to death with a brick.

But since it is a conference of around 2,500 women and around 25 men, the brick was probably inside a very attractive handbag.

Which, depending on the length of the strap, would probably be deadlier than the normal, handheld brick. There is physics involved in this, I’m sure.

National is always a pressure cooker environment. The unpublished are there to sell. The published are there to network. There is very little that editors and agents can do for either one of them that will significantly change any lives by Saturday midnight. While there is good news and bad news aplenty, most of the real decisions are made before their jets hit the tarmac in DC or months later, after they have read what you are pitching.

And over it all there hangs an enormous cloud of estrogen, which is screwing with the minds and bodies of the majority of the membership. After 4 days, many of us are bordering on PMS. It is rather like being in a women’s prison. But with a better wardrobe and bigger hair.

While I do not usually give writing or publishing tips here, I feel like unloading a few, while they are still fresh in my memory.

1. The main difference between being published and unpublished:

It is easier to get a free drink. And there is more free food. Editors and publishing houses are no longer avoiding you, and are generally eager to see you happy. As long as happy = slightly drunk and not hungry. But you will spend more money in cab rides, to get to the parties, so it is sometimes a financial wash.

2. It is really hard to hear anything over the sound of all those slightly drunk women, and even harder to say anything intelligent.

I spend a lot of time smiling and nodding. But I am not always sure of what I am agreeing to. And I am not all that sure of the smile, either. I think, after a couple of days, it probably looks more like a grimace. Or perhaps constipation.

I know that I have heard at least once, of someone who I absolutely adore had come away from a party convinced that I did not like them. I probably nodded at the wrong time and then bared my teeth at her.

The universal icebreaker question at conference, good in any social situation is “What do you write?” I have heard of it’s being used, accidentally on both Susan Elizabeth Philips and Nora Roberts. SEP and Nora are probably used to it. But the tellers of these stories are cursed with an unforgettable conference experience.

And finally, the main thing you must not do, if you want to make a sale:

3. While it is quite all right to imagine that the person you are pitching your project to is naked, they should never actually BE naked. Not even a little.

There is an infamous story in RWA of the unfortunate editor in the ladies room who needed to borrow some TP from her stall neighbor, and got a manuscript slipped under the wall instead.

This year, I met an editor (male) who no longer swims at conferences. The last time he did, someone started pitching to him while he was in his swim trunks.

I sympathize. A few years ago, I was minding my own business in the hot tub after the morning’s paddle in the pool. I made the mistake of mentioning to the woman next to me that we had dropped the kids at church camp, earlier in the week.

A short time later, the woman on the other side of me said with a southern accent and in the most round about way possible, that she was an agent, and had heard me mention church camp and therefore knew that I was a Christian.

The word seemed to have more letters in it than usual, and extra syllables. It was kind of evangelical.

But she was not trying to convert me. She was wondering if I was interested in the growing Christian chick lit market.

I told her that I was a drinking and swearing Christian, and therefore probably not the type she was looking for.

She agreed that the publishers she dealt with were not big on drinking or swearing, but that they did like their scripture.

From my side, this should have been a dream come true. Getting a come on from an agent that does not involve a drunken grope at the bar, is very much desired.

But I was soaking and wet and wearing a faded, plus size tank suit. Did I look like I had a business card on me?

Trust me. If an industry professional, from either side of the pitching table, is wearing a swimming suit or has their pants around their ankles, they are either crazy or not interested in hearing about your book.

10 responses to “Girl’s Week out”

  1. Anonymous says:

    LOL.The beauty of going to RWA is going as a non writer. You get the perks but not the politics.

    jill

  2. Anonymous says:

    LOL.The beauty of going to RWA is going as a non writer. You get the perks but not the politics.

    jill

  3. nazalie says:

    I like the bit about the cab fares.

    I enjoy seeing everybody dress up. And the health of the participants is a cut above that of sf cons, which increasingly are filled with people in motorized carts.

    But the mob scenes for the free books bother me. This year I did go to several, but the crowds were scary and it’s not a dignified situation.

    Even the much-valued close-ups with agents and editors are suspect. They tend to give a slanted and incomplete view of what they want or publish, compared to the reality. Which is easy enough to discover from online browsing of actual published book excerpts.

    • admin says:

      But I think the motorized cart thing has a lot to do with the fact that there are more readers than writers at SF cons. Both genres are escapist literature (not that there’s anything wrong with that. Personally, I take it as a point of pride).

      And some readers need escape, more than others. Health problems can be a reason. Add to the fact that reading is a sedentary activity, which can make big people bigger. Of course, writing is also a really sedentary activity. After all the Wiifit aerobics I am doing to keep my own fat ass out of a scooter, I can’t really point fingers.

      And as far as the signings go:

      I would recommend them, if you want to see editors in their native habitat. They are usually there, supporting the writers, and opening boxes of books. And after the boxes are open, there isn’t much for them to do and you can sometimes catch them, just standing around.

      If you are brave, you can ignore the authors and work the room. I wouldn’t recommend doing a full on pitch. But you can ask a few simple questions like, “Where do I send a romantic comedy? Who are your authors? Who do you recommend I read?”

      It’s a small opening. But it’s still an opening, and a bit more spontaneous than the Spotlights and the pitch sessions.

      Also, tidbits from dinner with my editor (Joanna Grant from Mills & Boon):

      She was absolutely stunned by some of the contest feedback I got, before I sold. Variations on how I sucked because of formatting, for example.

      She does not care about format, about synops, or about how carefully you have polished the first three chapters. She is tired of seeing carefully tailored contest entries from North America, and just wants a really good story.

      My recommendation would be, write what you want to read. And put real emotion into it. Never forget you are writing romance. The packaging may make the finished books look slick and glossy and as cold as canned goods. And all alike, each to each. But it is your job as the author to put a soul in every can.

  4. nazalie says:

    I like the bit about the cab fares.

    I enjoy seeing everybody dress up. And the health of the participants is a cut above that of sf cons, which increasingly are filled with people in motorized carts.

    But the mob scenes for the free books bother me. This year I did go to several, but the crowds were scary and it’s not a dignified situation.

    Even the much-valued close-ups with agents and editors are suspect. They tend to give a slanted and incomplete view of what they want or publish, compared to the reality. Which is easy enough to discover from online browsing of actual published book excerpts.

    • admin says:

      But I think the motorized cart thing has a lot to do with the fact that there are more readers than writers at SF cons. Both genres are escapist literature (not that there’s anything wrong with that. Personally, I take it as a point of pride).

      And some readers need escape, more than others. Health problems can be a reason. Add to the fact that reading is a sedentary activity, which can make big people bigger. Of course, writing is also a really sedentary activity. After all the Wiifit aerobics I am doing to keep my own fat ass out of a scooter, I can’t really point fingers.

      And as far as the signings go:

      I would recommend them, if you want to see editors in their native habitat. They are usually there, supporting the writers, and opening boxes of books. And after the boxes are open, there isn’t much for them to do and you can sometimes catch them, just standing around.

      If you are brave, you can ignore the authors and work the room. I wouldn’t recommend doing a full on pitch. But you can ask a few simple questions like, “Where do I send a romantic comedy? Who are your authors? Who do you recommend I read?”

      It’s a small opening. But it’s still an opening, and a bit more spontaneous than the Spotlights and the pitch sessions.

      Also, tidbits from dinner with my editor (Joanna Grant from Mills & Boon):

      She was absolutely stunned by some of the contest feedback I got, before I sold. Variations on how I sucked because of formatting, for example.

      She does not care about format, about synops, or about how carefully you have polished the first three chapters. She is tired of seeing carefully tailored contest entries from North America, and just wants a really good story.

      My recommendation would be, write what you want to read. And put real emotion into it. Never forget you are writing romance. The packaging may make the finished books look slick and glossy and as cold as canned goods. And all alike, each to each. But it is your job as the author to put a soul in every can.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Chris, as always, your post was magically both accurate and hilarious. GREAT seeing you in D.C., and I took your persistent head-nodding to mean nothing more than total, perfect agreement with me :-).

    BTW, you made a great impression on Heidi Betts! She told me to tell you that she had to mention your Awards Night comment on her blog–so you’re included in her post today: http://www.heidibetts.com/wipsandchains/?p=6674

    Hope all is well~
    Marilyn Brant

  6. Anonymous says:

    Chris, as always, your post was magically both accurate and hilarious. GREAT seeing you in D.C., and I took your persistent head-nodding to mean nothing more than total, perfect agreement with me :-).

    BTW, you made a great impression on Heidi Betts! She told me to tell you that she had to mention your Awards Night comment on her blog–so you’re included in her post today: http://www.heidibetts.com/wipsandchains/?p=6674

    Hope all is well~
    Marilyn Brant

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